farewell

for my own record:

my grandmother passed away on Sep 3rd.  she had been in a hospital for about a month, getting weaker day by day, that's what I heard.  I didn't go to see her before it happaned.  I think I thought we would still have some time; never imagined how little time she had.

It was my first time to attend the funeral as a grown-up (my very first time was my great grandma's when I was 10. I remember bits and pieces).  I didn't remember how it looks like.  honestly saying, I felt fear when I saw her face in a coffin.  "she looks like she's just sleeping."?  No way.  she was totally different from what i used to know.

i always think "people die especially when get old; it is not something to weep over".  i didn't know how i would feel for real.  not only sad, but various feelings that i can't even explain were inside of me.  i never knew these feelings, and they led me to tears, indeed.

i still think it is not to weep over, but it is sad. very sad.